Tangled Web
by Dragonhulk
Summary: Xander is assigned some better work. This is my tribute to Web Comics that I like


Tangled Web

Author: Dragonhulk

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this. Buffy is owned by the people who own Buffy, not me. The others are owned by the people who write and draw the comics, again not me, I can't even do stick figures.

Rating: FRT-13

Summery: Xander is assigned to some better work. This is my little tribute to web comics.

Authors Note: I did something different this time around; I asked people if I could use their characters. I got two no, one non response, and three yes. I won't use the characters of those that said no, but I figure the others are fair game.

The ones that said no are Sluggy Freelanceand Kevin and Kellthey are both great comics so drop on by and give them the once over.

The ones who said yes did so on the condition that I post a link to their site. does not let me do direct links so I am breaking up the url so it is visible.

Please note that I am not responsible for the content of the sites. While I enjoy the comics it is up to you to determine of you find them acceptable.

Also I'm going to be playing havoc with time-lines to make the story better.

* * *

Part One: Meow

Buffy sat down at her desk in Rome, waiting for the video conference to start. Silently she wondered what this one would be about. Giles had been sure to tell her that this one would be very private and not let anyone else know.

When the monitor came on showing the faces of her friends Buffy's first thought was where Xander was.

"Where is Xander? Should we wait for him?" asked Willow.

"I'm afraid Xander won't be joining us this time Willow because he will be the topic of this meeting," said Giles. "Now before any of you condemn me for my actions I ask that you hear me out."

"No one is condemning you Giles," said Buffy. Willow looked like she was about to disagree but decided to wait and see what Giles said.

"Thank you Buffy. Recently during my conversations with Xander I have noticed a steady decline in his mood. The Watchers assigned to Africa with him seem to agree that he is burning out."

"We have all been stressed trying to rebuild the Counsel. What makes you think Xander is in danger of burning out?" asked Robin.

"First you have to understand what he is going through. Africa is ripe with small wars, a larger number of demons and animal spirits, AIDS and other diseases constantly surround him. Even in its heyday the Counsel kept a close eye on the African Watchers to see if they needed to be transferred to a less volatile area. I'm afraid that Xander showed the warning signs a long time ago, we just haven't had the manpower to replace him until now."

"What do you plan to do Giles, push him out like we did in high school? You know he won't let us do that. If we try he's more likely to fight on his own then to get the rest he needs," said Willow.

"I've talked to him about taking a vacation but he has refused. While I agree that we would be ill advised to completely cut him out of the loop, perhaps we could simply give him some small assignments."

"I have some things here that wouldn't be too much trouble, and being in America again may help." said Robin.

"Did you have anything particular in mind?"

"He could check out some rumors we have been hearing about a Chelsea Chattan. I was going to ask Willow to send a witch but Xander could check it out instead."

"Will it be dangerous?" asked Willow.

"Maybe," said Robin. "The rumors just say that Ms Chattan is going to be big in the underworld community someday. Personally I think just a myth but its better to check it out now than have it bite us in the ass later."

"If we spin this right we may make it seem big enough to get Xander to leave Africa," said Giles.

"Wait, does anyone besides me think that sending a burnt out Xander to deal with something big is a bad idea?" asked Buffy.

"Buffy, I trust Robin's judgment in this matter. If he believes that there is nothing there that Xander can't handle then chances are he is right. Now we come to the matter of who is going to convince him to investigate Ms Chattan."

"Not it."

"Not it."

"Not it."

"Not. Darn it."

Xander sat in the motel room, wondering for the tenth time why he was here and not back in Africa working and for the tenth time he boiled down the reason why he was here to three words: Willow resolve face. It shouldn't be so effective with only one eye, but he was still here.

Sighing, Xander went back to the pictures he had taken of Chelsea Chattan and her friends. He had to admit that there was something about Chelsea, but he still thought that Willow had blown things out of proportion.

It had been five days and he had already learned everything he was going to learn just by watching, so Xander decided that he would have to do the meet and greet that night. He just hoped that Chelsea and Jubal forgave him for ruining any plans they may have had after their date.

Later

"Don't worry Chelsea; it's just a date, what could go wrong?"

Oh man Jubal didn't just say that, please God tell me he didn't just say that. Would you look at that, God sent a group of vampires to say, yes Xander, Jubal did just say that. If everyone survives this I'm giving him my top ten things not to say around magical things and beings,' thought Xander as he ran to save them.

Xander was surprised pleasantly and not so pleasantly when Chelsea changed into a panther and began to attack the vampires. Content to once again have the women (how about a woman?) take care of the main group while he took care of the stragglers.

After the last vamp was dust in the wind, Xander turned to Jubal. He survived with only a few cuts and bruises. That is good survival is defiantly key when it comes to living through bad stuff.

"Um, this isn't what it looks like." said Jubal.

It was all Xander could do not to laugh. He could see Jubal scramble to come up with a somewhat believable explanation.

Deciding that teasing them wouldn't be the best way to get on their good side, Xander decided to let them off the hook. "Don't worry I know quite a bit about just what goes bump in the night, hence why I always walk around with a pointy stick. Now do we need to get a blanket or something before she changes back or not."

"A blanket would be nice," said Jubal.

After quick change of clothes at Chelsea's house, Xander told them just who he was and what he was doing in town. "Listen Chelsea, you seem like a good person so I'm going to give you a direct number to the person in charge of the North American branch. If you ever run into a situation where the world is about to end and you don't think you can handle it alone, give him a call, he'll help."

"Thanks for the number, but don't you think you are being a bit over dramatic with the whole end of the world sepal?" asked a now human Chelsea.

Xander's gaze intensified as he let all of his emotional barriers drop and put all the emotion he could into his remaining eye. "Chelsea, by the time I graduated high school, me and my friends faced the end of the world four times. I lost my eye in another fight against someone who wanted to end the world. In Africa I stopped fifteen situations that could have ended the world. The end of the world isn't some far away concept; it's something that can happen a thousand different ways every day. The only thing that stops it are people who are willing to give everything to keep this world from going up in flames. Our mystics say that you will probably be a big player in supernatural circles some day; that means that you will probably face situations where the wrong decision could destroy all life on this world."

"Oh, great, no pressure then." Chelsea said in a voice that indicated she wasn't dealing with this news in the best way possible.

"Yeah I know, it sucks but it will be better if you have friends and family to help and from what I see, you are off to a good start." With those words, Xander left to let his words sink in.

A few hours later, Xander was woken up by someone knocking on the door to his motel room. Grabbing a gun Xander opened the door a crack to see Jubal standing there. Xander had expected there to be more questions but he had expected Chelsea to be with him.

"Where is Chelsea?" asked Xander as he opened the door the rest of the way.

"Asleep probably, I just wanted to talk with you in private."

Xander simply nodded and gestured Jubal to come in without saying anything.

"Do you think I'll be able to help Chelsea with any of the stuff you mentioned?" Jubal blurted out as soon as the door was closed.

Xander ran a hand through his hair, careful to stay clear of his eye patch band. He knew where Jubal was coming from; he had been there, heck, some days he was there.

"Let me answer that by asking you some questions. First do you love her?"

"Yeah, I love her, I've even died for her."

"Dying is a good start, but contrary to popular belief it isn't the be all end all for love." Taking a deep breath Xander removed his eye patch and turned to face Jubal. In Xanders opinion Jubal deserved to have the full speech, he had earned that much. "Do you love her enough to loose an arm, a leg, or even an eye fighting by her side but not blame her?"

To his credit Jubal only flinched slightly at Xander's eye before saying, "I don't know."

"Believe it or not, I don't know is even better than I'd die for her. It isn't a question you have to resolve today but if you continue to help her when things get really bad chances are you will get hurt badly, and you won't have the release of dying.

"If you are worried about the fighting angle, take some self defense classes. It won't make you an unstoppable fighting machine but it may give you enough of an edge to keep you both alive long enough to stop what ever needs to be stopped.

"Your best bet for helping Chelsea though is to just be there when she needs someone to lean on. It's been my experience that those that have to be strong for the world are the ones who are grateful for someone that they can just be themselves around."

Jubal was nodding in agreement at the last part. He could do this for Chelsea; he would do this for Chelsea.

"Good, now that we have that out of the way, let's start with things you should never say around magical beings or things, starting with what could go wrong?'"

This part was crossed with the online comic Clan of the Cats. That means that if they weren't from Buffy, Jamie Robertson owns them. Check Clan of the Cats out at http :www. clanofthecats .com

* * *

Part Two: Of Geeks and Vampires

Okay something was definitely up. He shouldn't be here; he should be far away from here. Yet here he was, because of Willow resolve face.

Note to self, put eye patch over good eye next time Willow decides for a video conference call, and get an older phone that doesn't receive pictures.

Xander's reprieve was interrupted when he heard the sounds of a struggle in an ally. Hoping that it was just a normal mugger, or no more than three vamps, Xander went to investigate.

He was relieved that it was only two vampires playing with their meal. With any luck the vamps would be having too much fun with the guy in glasses and the Asian woman to notice him.

His luck was unnaturally good and he staked both vampires with only a bit of trouble.

"Um, what just happened here?" asked the guy with glasses.

"You are still alive, any explanation as to how is up to you two. Right now, jetlag is beginning to catch up with me so I'm too tired to come up with anything for you. If you get really hard up though just go with the mugger delusion, that's what most people do," said Xander as he began to walk away. If Willow was going to keep him hopping around the US he really had to change his routine to sleep first then patrol.

The man looked like he was about to ask more questions but the woman, presumably his girlfriend, stopped him. It was just as well, he wouldn't have answered anyway. At the moment he needed to catch up on his sleep if he was going to be worth anything in tomorrow's meeting.

The next day

He really should find out what Willow was up to. No way was he the right person for this job, in fact he was just about the wrongest person for this job that he could come up with.

Willow should be here, or perhaps Andrew. Heck, Dawn or one of the Slayers would be a better choice then him for this.

"Welcome Mr. Harris. I'm Dwayne Duncan, the president of GPF, I'll be helping you work through any problems you may have."

Xander winced as he was called Mr. Harris. He still didn't enjoy being called that, and had even made an effort to get to know his construction crew when he was Forman just so they would feel comfortable calling him Xander. "Just call me Xander, I prefer to be informal when I can. Got to say, I'm surprised that the president is the one meeting me. I though that I'd just be talking to a sales guy."

"Well from what your associate Ms Rosenberg has told us over the phone you are thinking of a large project that would mean a lot of money for the company. Because of that, I figured that it would be best to meet with you in person."

The smile on Dwayne's face told Xander that while there was some truth in his words, he was manly just trying to put Xander at ease with humor. Xander didn't know why, but he found himself a bit more relaxed, so Dwayne must be doing something right.

"Well, according to Willow, err, Ms Rosenberg, we would like you to set up a net work in some of our offices, and design some websites for us." Xander said, thanking Willow for coming up with a believable cover.

"We could do that, but the more offices you have the longer it will take us to get to them all. How many are we talking about?"

"Twenty here in the US, about a thousand globally." Xander almost laughed as the mans eyes attempted to jump out of his face. He should have done this during lunch or something, then Dwayne would have done a perfect spit take.

"Don't worry, we don't expect you to do them all. We were thinking of just having you set up the network for the twenty in the US, but only monitor the three closest to you."

"Good, that we can handle. Can I ask why you are having us do this, and not a larger company?"

"According to Willow, your name made her go into hysterical laughter for ten minutes. After she calmed down she investigated you a bit more and liked what she saw." The fact that only one person had failed her trust spell helped as well, but Xander decided not to mention that, for obvious reasons.

"Well, considering how much you will be paying us for this, I think it only appropriate that you meet the people who will be working on your computers." Dwayne said as he got up from his desk.

Xander didn't have any feelings about it one way or another, but decided to follow Dwayne. At the very least he could form his own opinion on whether or not these people were trust worthy.

The first stop on this tour was an office that had enough geek memorabilia to send Andrew into shock; even Xander had to admit that he was a bit envious of some of the things he saw. "This is Dex, our newest member. He could help you with the website." Dex was a large man, both in height and in girth, but seemed nice enough, if a bit socially acquired. Considering his high school career, Xander wasn't about to hold that particular personality flaw against anyone, though Andrew tested his resolve at times.

"This is Sharon, and Fooker. Both are excellent System Administrators, they will be keeping an eye on your networks after they go up." Fooker seemed to lean more towards the relaxed computer geek image with wild blond hair and a goatee, while Sharon seemed to be a professional all the way, with red hair that reminded him of Willow. Both seemed nice enough, but Xander decided to watch them both for a while; you could never be too careful with a person who would have almost unfettered access to their information.

"Over here are Nick and Ki, at least one if not both will be setting up your networks."

As Xander looked at the people he had saved from the vampire last night, Xander couldn't help but wonder if there was an undiscovered Hellmouth nearby, because there was just no way that his luck could work like this without some outside influence. His only hope was that they had already started their survivors' amnesia.

"What are you doing here!" asked Nick.

"Nick can I have a word with you?" Dwayne said in an ominous tone. Apparently he didn't like the tone Nick used and was afraid of losing the account.

Xander couldn't let Nick get in trouble; after all he would react the same way if the situation was reversed. "Its okay Dwayne, Nick and Ki are probably just surprised to see me. I ran into them last night when they were getting mugged and helped to scare off their attackers. I was tired from my flight so I left rather quickly after."

Dwayne seemed satisfied by Xanders explanation but Nick wasn't. "What kinds of muggers have deformed faces, yellow eyes, fangs and burst into dust?"

Xander didn't have an excuse and didn't want to explain around Dwayne, and most of the other members of GPF considering how much attention Nick was causing. In Xander's opinion there was only one option, a tactical retreat and talk to Nick later, "Well it's been nice meeting everyone but I really should be going."

In Xander's hasty retreat he opened the right door instead of the left. The left would have taken him to the hallway and out of the building, the right opened to show what appeared to be a green slime mold, handling customer support.

Xander just stared as the slime mold talked into the phone and helped the person on the other end, even if it did seem to have a bit of an attitude. "Dwayne are you sure that you introduced me to everyone?"

Dwayne just sighed as he came into the room and said, "Xander this is Fred. Fred, Xander. Fred works the phones and we try to keep him out of the limelight for obvious reasons."

"Yeah I can see why you wouldn't want most of your clients to freak out over the demonic talking slime mold."

"Oh great another member of your species displaying abysmal intelligence levels. This one is so low that he seems to equate anything unknown as demonic. Are you sure that this is the clientele you want Dwayne?" said Fred addressing the people in the room for the first time.

"Don't mind Fred, he just tends to be a bit insulting to everyone." said Ki.

"Nah, it's okay, I've been insulted by stranger things. Honestly a talking slime mold demonic or not, makes me feel a bit more comfortable."

"Comfortable enough to tell us what really attacked us last night?" asked Nick.

Xander simply smiled, he couldn't help but admire someone who wouldn't give up. Deciding that if they were working with a talking slime mold they wouldn't freak out too much about the other stuff Xander said, "It was a vampire. I shoved a stake into their hearts and they went poof."

"Oh come on, you don't expect us to believe that do you!" exclaimed Fred in exasperation. "Nick you have a firm scientific mind, would you like to help me debunk this guy."

"I don't know Fred, I saw something last night. Our attackers had fangs and made references to drinking our blood before turning to dust. I don't want to admit it but there may be a possibility that he is right," said Nick.

"Think of it this way, Fred. Why am I not freaking out talking to you? I've met nonhuman beings in the past; you just aren't that odd in my book."

"I, for one, refuse to believe you until I see some more tangible proof. For all I know you just killed an evolutionary offshoot of mankind with advanced weaponry that turned them into dust."

"He has a point there," said Nick. "I think we would all like to see you provide more proof."

Xander sighed. If someone else was here they could just show them their abilities, but other than fighting he didn't have any, unless. "Hold on for a moment, I need to make a call."

After dialing Willow's phone number from memory, Xander waited until it was picked up. "Hey Kennedy is Willow there? Hey Willow you know that spell you did for Robin and Faith a couple months ago and promised to do for Africa next year, could you tell me if there are any close to the GPF office? . Because the people who work for GPF want more proof. . No it is not my fault, I just saved a couple of them from a vamp attack yesterday and they recognized me today. Well what was I supposed to do, let them die? Yes I know you worked really hard for our cover story, and it was good. Yes I know that no one would ask questions about the demonic information on our website and computers if we posed as a gaming company, that is why I said it was a good cover story. Okay, no that was way off topic even for you and I won't even dignify it with a response, can you just answer my question? Okay A: I didn't need to know who got what pierced for your special night. B: I didn't call Faith and Robin because they weren't the ones who sent me to talk computer stuff, and C: the quicker you answer me the quicker you can enjoy the piercing."

By this time everyone was looking at him like he had grown a third head, the second having come in when he had mentioned vampires. Luckily his last point seemed to hit home with Willow because she gave him a location that was only forty five minutes away from the office.

Turning off his cell phone to prevent Willow revenge later, Xander turned to the GPF crew. "Okay, everyone who wants proof about demons and magic follow me. My friend just told me about a good place forty five minutes from here where all you questions can be answered. Make sure Fred comes, he may make some friends. Well that or he will piss someone off and they will rip him in half, either way good fun will be had by all."

Forty five minutes later, Xander and his seven companions arrived at what appeared to be an empty lot.

"Well I don't know about you guys but this certainly convinced me about the existence of vampires and demons," said Fred sarcastically as he sat on Fooker's shoulder.

Xander simply smiled and said, "First demonstration of magic: cloaking spell." With that, Xander took five steps toward the empty lot and disappeared.

"They have Romulan technology!" said Dex, eyes gleaming with fanboy interest.

"It's not technology, Dex, it's magic. Now are you guys coming or not," said Xander's disembodied voice.

"Well, he sound alright. Besides, we have come too far to turn back now," said Dwayne as he walked towards the area Xander had walked in, and vanished himself.

Looking at each other the rest of the GPF crew came to a silent decision and began to walk forward as one. Each was surprised to different degrees when a building appeared in front of them as they passed through the cloaking spell.

"We're in luck; the place was just opening for the night. It's early enough that we won't run into vampires or dangerous demons; the non hostile species tend to visit these places in the early afternoon, leaving the night to the more dangerous ones. Just incase you missed it, if you come here after sunset, you are taking your life into your own hands." said Xander in a serious tone.

When he saw looks of understanding on their faces, Xander opened the door and led them inside. While it took the members of GPF a while to get comfortable around the nonhumans that had already arrived, they soon relaxed and began to enjoy themselves.

Fred was talking to a Miguk demon about stories and plays. Considering that fact that the average Miguk lifespan was around seventeen hundred years, Fred would be getting lessons on how the plays were when they were first preformed and just how some stories had changed over the years.

Fooker and Sharon were enjoying talking to a Dietern, who had learned how to use its magic to directly interface with computers, while Dex had gotten in an argument about Star Wars with a Gruquag.

As for Nick, Ki, and Dwayne they were asking Xander questions and listing to his stories about his time in Africa.

"So let me get this straight, you and your friends did a spell that put countless girls on the front lines of a war?" asked Dwayne in a dangerous voice.

"Yeah, we did. We have also given them a better chance to survive the war. During the time of the old Counsel, most Slayers lived for less than two years. Now with numbers on their side, the updated training programs and a more reliable communications network- thanks in part to you guys- most of the Slayers today should live well into their thirties. We are hoping that by that time enough new Slayers will be called that the older ones can retire and have a normal life if they want it," said Xander. He had made similar speeches in Africa, though there most of the families had been somewhat relieved that there would be someone looking after their daughters.

"Just so you know, if my child becomes a Slayer I will find a way to make you pay."

"I understand, and if you didn't at least threaten me I would probably think less of you as a person and father in particular."

"So Xander, any supernatural threats we should look out for on our wedding day?" asked Ki as the tried to change the subject to better things.

"Yeah," said Xander as he looked Nick directly in the eye. "If someone shows you visions of the future where you have a lousy marriage, punch them in the face and get married anyway. Life is full of uncertainty, and even if you do have a lousy marriage it's a whole lot better than not getting married and wondering what could have been your whole life."

Ki and Nick just sat back in shock at the passion in the one eyed man's voice. Later, they would figure out that he wasn't talking about them as much as he was talking about himself at that moment, but both would agree never to pressure him to elaborate. After all there are some things that can't heal if people keep picking at it.

This part was crossed with General Protection Fault. This means that if they aren't Buffy characters they belong to Jeffery T. Darlington. Check out General Protection Fault at http :www. gpf-comics .com

* * *

Part Three: Back to School

Xander awoke drenched in sweat. He had been having dreams like this ever since Sunnydale was destroyed, and they were only getting worse. No, that wasn't true, they had been getting worse in Africa, he hadn't been having them as often here. Sighing he got out of bed and began to get ready for his next assignment.

This one wasn't as bad on the surface as his last one, though that could be a bad thing. After all if meeting with a computer company lead to being introduced to possibly demonic slime molds what would investigating demonic energy lead him to?

Hoping against hope that he could get a Slayer here in time to prevent an apocalypse, Xander went to the college campus to look anything out of the ordinary.

Three days later Xander was about to pack it in. So far the most dangerous thing that he had seen were the two Satan worshipers, and they were stupid enough to be harmless. Just as he was about to go back to his hotel room he spotted two guys that looked like they had just been on the losing side of a war. The guy with the brown hair looked like he was had recently been seriously injured, and the guy with black hair probably wasn't much better.

That was what got his attention, the fact that the black haired guy seemed to have a tentacle for an arm and he started talking to a woman with demon like wings, kept it.

Xander stuck to the shadows, doing his best impression of Angel. Yes, part of him despised the fact that he was acting like Deadboy, but it was outweighed by the need for information on a possible threat.

After ten minutes Xander had learned some interesting things. It turns out that Marsha, the dark haired woman, had no idea how she got her wings. This meant that she was unaware of her demonic heritage, under a curse, some kind of mutant, or a really good liar. She didn't seem surprised about the tentacle, so that meant the guy was either born with it or had acquired it a while ago.

Xander was thinking about introducing himself to get more information and to see if these people were a threat when the brown haired guy came back out, being dragged by a red haired woman and being closely followed by a blond woman.

Xander slowly moved deeper into the shadows, and away from the group. He didn't know anything about the others, and with groups it was best to be cautious incase they turned ugly. When they all began to leave, Xander figured it would be best of follow them and learn about them some more.

Two hours later, he came across their parked cars in front of some woods. Now in Xander's opinion, people entering dark woods just as the sun was going down is a bad thing. When one of those people had a tentacle for an arm and another had demon like wings the end of the world was a definite possibility.

Resigning himself to his fate, he slowly made his way into the woods to follow the groups' tracks. With any luck they would turn out to be enthusiastic, if somewhat odd looking campers, and he wouldn't trip on a root because of his lousy depth perception.

It wasn't long before the sun set, the trail was lost to the darkness and Xander began to curse himself for not bringing a flashlight.

"Way to go, Harris. Now you have the options of stumbling around in the dark and probably falling on your stake or staying put and letting the world come to an end," said Xander as he started to mutter to himself.

"Meow"

Hmm, black cat, and it looked like it wanted Xander to follow it. Shrugging Xander started to follow the cat figuring when in doubt, go with insanity.

After a few moments, the cat led him to a clearing where he could see the group he had been following, and two other figures. The first was what looked like a normal moderately attractive college girl that was lying next to some shadows, and the second seemed to be a blonde were-coyote.

Looking around Xander was glad he had decided to hold back. The brown haired guy seemed to be shooting some kind of laser from his eyes, helping Marsha, the tentacle guy, and the were-coyote to fight, a shadow?

No, more like a shadows shadow, a darkness within the darkness that somehow went beyond black. Soon the darkness began to twist and turn and form into a figure. Its head was that of a bull and its body looked vaguely human.

While Xander had encountered more inhuman creatures in his fight, the one he saw before him was the most frightening. Of course because Xander is Xander, his report would read something along the lines of big scary bull creature.

Gathering his courage Xander took a step forward and prepared to do what he did best, insult the incredibly evil and scary monster and hope that someone would be able to kill it before it beat him to death. Ah hell, he was too frightened to think of anything. Okay on with plan B; shoot it until it stops moving. Drawing the pistol he started to carry after his last trip had gone bust, Xander took aim and fired.

He was pleasantly surprised that the demon went down after one shot. Hey, if the PTB were going to finally cut him some slack on these jaunts the gang was sending him on Xander wasn't going to complain.

"Who are you?" asked laser boy.

"Name's Xander, what's yours?" Yeah he was a bit put off with the greeting, but he had experienced it enough that it didn't bug him so much.

"Don't tell him anything," said the guy with a tentacle. "I saw you earlier, you've been following us."

The way the guy said it made it a statement, not a question. They had him dead to rights, so Xander didn't even try. "Yeah, I've been following you. In my experiences when a guy with a tentacle for an arm and a woman with demon wings go into the woods at night trouble isn't far behind, and it looks like I was right."

"Wait, you have experience with this stuff?" asked the blonde woman.

"Doesn't everyone?" asked Xander with his trade mark grin.

"Another freak. Why can't I meet some normal people for a change?" groaned the blonde.

"Excuse me, but could someone tell me what just happened?" asked the red haired bombshell. She looked like she was about to freak out until the were-coyote went to comfort her. As she calmed down Xander put another check mark in the were-coyote's favor.

"Satan just tried to kidnap Margaret again, and possibly end the world." said tentacle guy as he pointed to the girl that they had rescued.

"Oh, please tell me it wasn't to have a kid?" said Xander.

"How did you know?" asked laser boy.

"Simple, I watched Rosemary's Baby' when I was a kid. Honestly you would think that if a demon was ambitious enough to try to plunge the world into hell it would at least try to be original."

"And you aren't freaked out about all this, why?" asked Marsha as she came in for a landing.

"Simple, went to a school that was built on a portal to hell; it takes a bit more than the end of the world to freak me out now."

"Yeah, whatever, I'm going home," said tentacle guy as he started to walk out of the clearing.

"Me too. You coming, Roger?" asked the blonde woman as she began to follow tentacle guy.

"I'm not sure I can change back, guys," answered the were-coyote.

"It's a two hour drive back, can you at least try? For me Roger?" asked the red head as she held Roger tightly.

"I'll try, for you," said Roger.

"Cool. I can give you two a lift back if you want." said Xander as he followed the group as they all began to leave the woods.

"How do I know I can trust you?" asked Roger with a growl.

"Simple, if I wanted you dead I would have shot you after I shot Satan."

"If you try anything, I'll rip out your throat."

"Duly noted," said Xander as he got in and started the car.

After fifteen minutes of driving Xander figured that now was as good a time as any to get some information. "So you are a were-coyote huh?"

"Yeah, got a problem with that?" asked a slightly smaller but still very hairy Roger.

"Not in the slightest. Now if you were a were-hyena or a were-clown, it would be a different matter."

"Were-clown?" asked the woman.

"I have issues." said Xander.

"So, were you telling the truth about going to school on top of a portal to hell?' asked Roger.

"Yep, and that is just the beginning in the messed up tale that is my life. Tell you what, I'll tell you anything about my life as it relates to supernatural stuff if you do the same about your life and the life of your friends. If I push into anything that you don't want to answer you simply don't answer it. Deal?"

"Deal."

Xander became awash in memories as he heard the hustle and bustle of people coming from and going to class. Not many were good though, and he briefly considered going to a doctor to help suppress them like the rest of his hometown use to do.

Turning his mind from unproductive thoughts, Xander began to look for his prey. She wasn't hard to find for two reasons. First the other students were afraid to get too close to her, and second she had a very unique brand of T-shirt.

Moving with the grace years of fighting had given him, and only one eye would afford him, Xander moved through the crowd. He made sure that she saw him coming; this wasn't someone he felt he should sneak up on.

Soon he was in range and in a secluded enough area that no one would overhear him, so he decided to start the conversation. "Hey Margaret, been meaning to talk to you, got a minute?"

"If I say no, will you go away?"

"Not a chance," said Xander with a smile to help put her at ease.

"Then let's just get this over with, there is an alley over there."

When they got to the alley, Margaret swiftly turned, looked Xander in the eye and said, "Okay, no witnesses just make it quick."

"What are you talking about?" asked Xander who was confused by her actions.

"Don't play dumb, just kill me and get it over with. Do what you do and save the world by killing me before I have Satan's kid."

"Whoa there lady, back up. I'm not here to do that. I just want to talk."

"What's the matter, afraid to get your hands dirty?"

"No I just try to avoid killing humans as much as I can. Trust me, if you were pregnant with Satan's kid already I would have no problem blowing off your head to save the world, but I would only do that after every other option had been exhausted. As it stands, you aren't pregnant so you get a talk instead of a bullet."

"Alright, so talk." said Margaret as she leaned against a wall.

"Okay let's start with prophecies. You believe that the world is going to end and you are going to have Satan's kid because it's been written, right?"

"Basically, yeah that's right."

"Okay, that is a load of BS. One of my close friends was prophesied to die at sixteen, now she is living with her sister in Rome. In my opinion prophecies should only be thought of as what could happen, not what will happen.

"As for the Apocalypse, I have my own theory about that, but we can come back to it later. What I know for a fact about the Apocalypse is that it has been trying to happen every day in every part of the world since humans first started to walk on their hind legs. The only reason that we don't have demons running around in broad daylight doing what they want is that it has been stopped every day, mostly by people.

"The world is still turning because people fight back. When one of us dies, another rises to the challenge and takes his or her place. That or the other fighters take up the slack.

"Now we come back to my personal theory about the end of the world. I figure that the world will only end when people stop fighting. When enough people refuse to fight, either because they are too lazy or too frightened, the gates of hell will open up and the world will end. Any power that has been helping us will pull back and let the demons take over. After all, if we won't fight for ourselves then why would they fight for us?

"That leaves you with a choice, to either fight and help stop the world from ending or give in and let your worst nightmares come true."

Margaret looked away, unable to look Xander in his eye and said, "It's hard to keep fighting."

Xander nodded and gave the only reply he could, "After a while it becomes one of the hardest things in the world, but its easer if others are there to help."

"I can't do that to my friends."

"How about you let them decide. Listen, I can't make your choices for you; all I can do is give you what little knowledge I've picked up over the years, the rest is up to you."

Margaret left, hopefully to think about what Xander had said, and Xander began to walk back to his hotel room.

As he walked he silently berated himself for giving the speech. After all, where did he get off telling someone to keep fighting? Hadn't he let Willow talk him into doing these supposedly small jobs because he didn't want to fight any more?

As Xander tossed his clothes into his bags he came to a decision. One more mission from Willow and that was it. He would either quit completely or he would get back into the fight. Besides the way Willow's little errands were going, he would probably be safer fighting full time again.

This part was crossed with College Roomies from Hell! This means that if it isn't a Buffy character they belong to Maritza Campos. Check out College Roomies from Hell at http :www. crfh .net/

* * *

Part Four: Glowing in the Dark

As Xander walked towards the light, he wondered if this was the way Buffy had felt the first time she had been killed. He felt so safe and content inside the tunnel that Xander almost didn't mind that he had been killed by a drunk driver.

After a while, Xander began to hear the sounds of a fight coming from below the tunnel. He attempted to lose himself in the feeling of the tunnel but seven plus years of fighting made him slow down and stop. Realizing that he couldn't just walk to paradise if someone was in trouble, Xander knelt down and began to search for some way to at least see what was happening below him.

Pressing his hands on the ground, Xander was surprised that it didn't feel like the solid stone he expected it to be, instead it felt soft and becoming softer. Soon he began to wonder how the light below him supported his weight and in that fatal moment of questioning, the light gave way.

After a few moments of falling, Xander experienced a softer landing than he expected.

"Hey, thanks for taking care of the frat guy," said a blond man wearing a lab coat.

"Frat guy?" asked Xander as he tried to get his bearings.

"He would be the thing you landed on," said the blond man. "Now if you will excuse me I need to find Ma'at."

Looking down, Xander saw that he had landed on someone, a someone whose image he had run across while researching several times. "Did this guy happen to say his name was Bacchus?"

"Yeah probably, I wasn't paying much attention."

"Crap, I just crushed a God. Like I need another powerful being mad at me," said Xander as he jogged to catch up with the blond man.

"If you are like me, you're dead. What can they do?"

"Pain, lots and lots of pain," said Xander with a grimace.

The blond man stopped and seemed to consider Xanders words for a while before you said, "Good point, hadn't thought of that before. In that case, you should probably tag along."

"I was planning to do that anyway until I found a way back into the light. Names Xander by the way," said Xander while extending his hand to the other man.

"Gav," said the man, but he made no motion to take Xanders hand. "Now where do you think the studio apartments that house cute Egyptian girls are in this place?"

"Um, shouldn't we be looking for a way back into the tunnel of light?" asked Xander.

"You mean the one that gives out the feeling of unimaginable joy and love? Come on something like that has got to be a trap," said Gav while giving Xander the look all pessimists give to people who dare to hope.

"So what is so important about this Egyptian girl anyway?" asked Xander as he attempted to shift the conversation away from what could become an argument.

Gave paused and got a caring look on his face as he said, "Her name is Ma'at, and the last time I was here she stole my heart."

"You know she is married, don't you?" asked Xander as he finally placed Ma'at from the research he had done after Buffy's resurrection spell.

"A minor detail," said Gav with light gleaming off of his thick glasses.

Xander fought back a sigh as he realized that he may have given up his chance at heaven to save someone who probably deserved what ever the drunken god would do to him. Deciding that he would have an eternity to complain about this later, Xander continued to follow Gav.

After several hours of walking around aimlessly, Xander was getting fed up with Gav's quest. They were dead and instead of trying to find a way back into the light, all this guy wanted to do was find an Egyptian goddess and if that wasn't bad enough, he was more annoying than Andrew.

Xander was about to tell Gav that walking randomly wouldn't help, when he stepped on a small withering shadow. Because nothing can be easy the small withering shadow just happened to be connected to a large withering mass of blackness and despair, and it didn't like mortals stepping on it.

"Crap!" yelled Xander as the monster burst from under their feet.

"Great!" yelled Gav as Xander ducked for cover. "This looks like the thing under my Egyptian girls apartment, we must be on the right track."

"Are you kidding me? This thing looks like it came from one of Lovecraft's wet dreams," said Xander as he attempted to find a weapon while dodging the creature's tentacles.

"So her building is lax about the tenants they let in, it's not her fault. Now do you think you could stand still and let the creature hit you for a while? It looks like its getting tired and I need to ask it where I can find my love before it goes back to sleep."

Xander was about to respond with some of the more colorful terms he had learned at construction sites, when he saw the tunnel of light. Of course this distraction let the monster finally hit Xander through several walls. Finding that he wasn't at all comforted that he was right about being able to feel pain, Xander quickly got back on his feet and started to run towards the tunnel of light while telling Gav to do the same.

"Why should I do that when I'm so close to finding the love of my afterlife?" yelled Gav.

Racing towards the monster and the tunnel of light on the other side of it Xander's mind flashed back to when he had walked in on Andrew one day soon after Sunnydale, giving him the perfect answer. "It's an evil tentacle monster. Do you really want to find out if it's going to act the same way it would on an Anime website?" said Xander as he came out from the wall he had been thrown into.

A quick look told Xander that the monster was slowing down, and that Gav was already half way to the tunnel of light. In fact Gav was moving much faster than and evil genius type should be able to move with the motivation Xander had just given him.

Sprinting for all he was worth past the monster, Xander leaped into the air, hoping and praying that the light would accept him back. Once inside of the light Xander took a deep breath that he didn't need, and saw a very annoyed looking Gav.

"So what's your plan, stay here until the monster goes back to sleep?" asked Gav.

"No, my plan is to go to where ever the tunnel leads, like I should have done in the first place," said Xander in an exasperated voice. "You can wait if you want but I'm gone as soon as I can figure out which way I was going."

Just then tentacles burst into the tunnel of light behind Xander. While they were moving slowly they were destroying the tunnel, breaking the light into small sparkles.

"Okay, that takes care of that decision," said Xander as he began to run away from the tentacles and a fate far worse than death.

After a while Xander lost sight of Gav, who had pulled ahead. As more time went by the tunnel began to blur, and the light became all encompassing.

Soon Xander could hear voices, some talking, most screaming. As his eye began to focus, Xander decided that he must still be dead. After all there was no way that a giant robotic ant could exist in the real world.

"Excuse me, but where did you come from?" asked a woman in dark clothing. In fact her clothing went beyond dark and into being Goth like. Xander would have almost mistaken her for a vampire if it wasn't for the cross resting in her cleavage.

"That is a good question, and one that I have no answer to," said Xander as he began to walk towards a young Oriental man.

"This is most frustrating," said the man as he fiddled with a remote.

"What's the problem?" asked Xander still more than a little unclear about what was going on.

"I do not know you, but the problem is simple. I am attempting to use this remote to free my friend from the giant ant, but the remote refuses to work."

"I can fix that," said Xander as he quickly took the remote from the man. As soon as he had the remote Xander began to hit it with the palm of his hand as hard as he could. Behind them the ant began to shake and shudder, but it soon dropped the body it was holding.

Giving the remote back to man Xander simply said, "When in doubt hit it until it starts working."

"Interesting, I will have to remember this method for later. At the moment though I believe that I should find out of my friend requires medical assistance."

Nodding in agreement Xander followed the young man to the body that fell to the floor. As they got closer Xander began to recognize the figure that was now moaning in pain. Smiling down at Gav Xander simply said, "So that is where you went."

England, later

Rupert Giles, Head of the Watchers Counsel, was having a bad day. Point of fact he was having a long string of bad days that could be traced back to the day he had become the Head of the Watchers Council.

Growling at the mountain of paperwork on his desk, Giles allowed himself a brief moment of sympathy for the late Quinton Travers. After all, if the man had to put up with half of the things Giles was finding himself confronted with on a daily basis, it was no wonder the man was such a prick. Sighing, he placed these new feelings into the dark corner of his mind and reached for the next folder in the ever rising stack.

Opening the plain envelope, he was pleased to see that this wasn't another batch of bills but a report on Xander's latest adventure. Deciding that the bills and other paperwork could wait until later Giles opened the envelope with a glee like that of a child on Christmas morning.

After a few moments Giles allowed himself a small chuckle at the situation Xander had found himself in this time. After all who else but his young charge could run into a giant nuclear powered ant? If he hadn't ruled it out years ago, he would have almost believed that the young man was cursed ever since the day he had picked up a certain blonde slayer's stake.

Continuing with his reading, Giles soon found a heartfelt smile creeping onto his face. Apparently his plan had worked, and Xander was fit once again for duty, he was even joking about returning so he could relax from his experiences in America.

Deciding that sending him back to Africa like Xander had requested would be detrimental, Giles began to think about where best to ease Xander back into full time duties. Immediately ruling out the hotspots, Giles eventually settled on Canada. A country of that size would have more than a few slayers that needed training and it would be close enough that Xander could lend a hand in America if there was a need. Yes, Canada would do perfectly.

The End

This part was crossed with Nukees. This means that if it isn't a Buffy character they belong to Darren Bleuel. Check out Nukees at http :www. nukes .com/


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